Today I'd like to share some of my musings about something that has been on my mind recently - and not so recently. There will be some generalizations that may not apply to you. You may also not agree with my opinions and that's totally cool. The world would be a pretty monotonous place if everyone thought the same.
Almost two years ago, the LDS church lowered the mission age for both guys and gals. I was a Senior in high school at the time, and suddenly everyone seemed to assume that I, along with all the other girls I graduated with, would be leaving on a mission right after high school, just like the boys. People no longer asked me if I was going to college after high school; instead, they inquired into my desire to serve a mission. "All the other girls are leaving on missions." When I responded that, no, I was not currently planning on serving a full-time mission, they quickly asked if I was planning on getting married soon and/or waiting for a missionary. I again said "no." And those are the two topics I would like to address: serving a mission and waiting for a missionary. I know that many have strong feelings about these topics, and I will try to explain my own delicately. Please also know that these are both things that I've pondered a TON, and I have considered the 'other side.'
Waiting for a Missionary
In the modern Mormon culture, there seems to be this thing about girls waiting for a missionary. Like they're extra special or something. Honestly, people, quit asking me if I'm waiting for a missionary! I'm not, and here's why: because I followed the prophets' counsel to not steady date in high school. I know I've been blessed for that decision, even if it was a hard one. Obviously, others have made different choices, and I'm not condemning, because we all wear different shoes.
I also know of many young men who have struggled more than was necessary, or even had to come home early, because of the girl they left at home. Who am I to hinder someone I respect - and all the people they will come in contact with - from growing and receiving blessings? That would be very selfish of me. Serving a mission without leaving a significant other behind usually means that young men are better able to focus on the Lord and those they are serving, rather than on how long they have until they come home. I'm not saying that boys who do have a girlfriend waiting at home don't focus on the Lord or their mission. But it's certainly easier!
On a more practical note, what if the young man I was waiting for wasn't the one I ended up marrying? I just wasted two years of my young adult life where I could have been meeting and dating the 'right one.' Of course, there are many couples who wrote for two years, got married after the mission, and have lived a happy life. But these are the reasons I am not waiting for a missionary. There's more to life than what we experience in high school! If someone from high school ends up being better than everyone else, great! At least I'll know for sure.
Over the past year, I have been blessed to receive weekly emails from several good friends that are serving missions - I love #MissionaryMondays! Just because you're not waiting for a missionary doesn't mean you can't write them!
Serving a Mission
I'm not currently planning on serving a mission, and that's okay. I still have a strong testimony, and there are lots of ways to share it. Earlier this week I read a blog post by a fellow redhead about not serving a mission. I agreed with her wholeheartedly, and will share part of her post. The blog is averagedayofaginger.blogspot.com and the title of her post is "10 Things Girls Who Aren't Serving Missions Want You to Know." It wouldn't hurt to go check it out, she's got some great stuff on her blog!
1. We still love the Gospel. Yes, that's right! Just because we aren't dedicating a year and a half of our lives to solely preach the Gospel, doesn't mean we aren't dedicating every day of our lives to the Lord. We are looking for ways to help, serve, teach, and minister every single day. Even though we don't wear a badge on our chest, we all have "badges painted on our heart" as Elder Nelson would say.
2. When you go on about how attractive sister missionaries are, how you'll only marry an RM, and how much of a better mom a girl is who has served a mission, it can hurt our feelings. You probably don't mean it to be offensive, but it is. We look at the path we've chosen as inferior in your eyes. We see our future children and wonder if you're right about their mother and how less spiritual she'll be. We wonder if we should go and serve solely because it will make us more attractive to you. We think our personal scripture study, the fulfilling of our callings, our desire to serve others, our teaching and helping those around us, isn't enough. We'll still be great wives and mothers, promise!
3. We appreciate it when you recognize those of us who haven't served missions in your lessons/talks. We love missionary work. Honestly we do. What we don't love, is feeling that we missed out on the only right option by choosing not to serve. The Church's focus IS missionary work, but that doesn't necessarily mean a full-time mission. We love hearing about how to serve as a member and how to be an example to those around you no matter where you live. We're not crazy about lessons detailing how every, single person should serve a mission, it's always the best option, you'll never be close to the spirit like you will be on a mission, asking people if they have a mission story they'd like to share, or saying "If you've served a mission, you understand this..." This can also offend guys who were worthy to serve, and weren't able to.
4. We've prayed about our decision. I was a little taken back when a member of my ward asked me if I'd prayed about my decision to not serve. That's a very personal, and very frustrating thing to be asked. So let me just put all your minds at ease, we've prayed about it. Or we're praying about it. We're going to be obedient to the answer we've been given, and hopefully that's acceptable in your eyes.
5. We aren't all looking to get married. Sometimes it seems there are two options; go on a mission or get married. Some of us aren't doing either. Sure, we're open to the idea of marriage, but we didn't stay home from missions to get married right away. Some of us are focusing on school, careers, church service, and some of us were just plain told not to serve a mission and we're making it our goal to be a tool in Heavenly Father's hands, wherever he needs us. I'll go where you want me to go, oh Lord...even if that means staying right here.
6. No two of us are the same. We have different goals, different reasons for not serving. Some sisters don't have the desire to serve, and that's ok! Some do have the desire, and couldn't go for medical or other reasons, and that's ok too! Some of us have the desire to serve, and through personal revelation realized that serving a mission was not part of our plan. And that's ok too! Some of us are older, some of us are younger, it doesn't matter! We're all different, we all love the Gospel, and we're all striving to be our best selves.
7. We appreciate when you're proud of our accomplishments. Sometimes it's hard to watch you get so excited when someone is submitting their mission papers, gets their call, or is heading out, and not be as excited for the good things we're accomplishing. Sometimes, we feel like the things we're doing aren't important or wonderful. Help us see that going to school, getting that job, acing a test, or taking time out to help others, is exciting and important too.
8. We're proud of our fellow sisters. We applaud them and their diligence, we appreciate them and we love them. We want to help the missionaries and show our support for them. We value their service as our sisters and we want them to accomplish great things. Our choosing not to go has no reflection on sister missionary service, or women's place in the church for that matter.
9. We are busy. We probably aren't busy in the same way full-time missionaries are, but we are busy! We're going to school or working, serving in church callings, helping our families and friends, taking time for personal worship, reading, learning, growing, helping, teaching and a million other things!
10. We need your love! Sometimes it's easy to feel down, beaten, and inferior. We appreciate every single person who lifts us up, makes us smile, and helps us realize we aren't alone. And we love you right back!
To wrap up this horribly long post, I realize each of us makes our own decisions, and sometimes they are different from someone else's. These are just two decisions that I've made and how I feel about them. Ultimately, however, we have a similar goal: to be an instrument in the Lord's hands.
Well said Quinn. Thanks for posting.
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